As Appa drifts away…

As the silhouette of Appa fades away, I ponder, will he be waiting for me in heaven?

It’s a fine evening at Trichy’s Central Railway Station, it is the type of winter climate where in you feel Lil chills but don’t put on thermals :P. I am here, standing on the railing of Madurai Express, towards Aamchi Mumbai.

My heart beats slow, as if even he yearns for the company of Appa, and already feels his absence somehow.
My breathing is shallow as my hand waves goodbye to him.
The Setting Sun is spewing the last of its melancholic light rays on the ever-ready Indian Railways train, the ever-tired platform and on us.

This time I will be gone for a long time, away from home, away from the place where you can feel the warmth of the womb, where you can be yourself in toto and you don’t have to wear any mask, play any role, just you and your crazy, hatke, loved ones.

As the train glides slowly, as if she understands goodbyes and purposefully gives us that extra time to part with our dear ones; his black outline starts to disappear, the platforms slip from the vision into pieces of the rectangular garden then just tracks, empty tracks, and I can’t help thinking, what if this is the last day, I am seeing him.

Metaphorically, speaking, in this train journey of life, there are stops, at which, unknowingly or knowingly, whether we like it or not, we have to bid adieu to people we care for. Though we all know this fact, we hardly give it a thought, and rarely accept it.

Do you know what the scariest part is, we shall never know when it is!

So the only power that rests with us, is to get our farewells right.

Leave things on a good note.
Complete that closure.
Say those words.
Hug them tight.

Express your love. Give that extra care. Share that warmth.

Harry Potter

On another note, (for all the Harry Potter lovers out there), don’t you think our parents are going to be the first ones to receive us on that cold, white, heavenly platform, with arms wide open waiting to give us that big tight hug?

Yours Only,
Dinesh Raja,
the one who feels.

Why do we need to marry?

Why do we need to marry?

Why can’t we simply exist and live in the world?

Is Marriage
Or is it something that the society has made it,
marketed it well and
brainwashed us into believing it to be.

Photo by ATC Comm Photo on

If love is your answer;
Why can’t we love all?
Why can’t we love our loved ones the way we love our special ones.
Why can’t we do that?

Photo by more same about on

If kids are your answer;
Why can’t we simply have a collective nursery; Wherein, each child there is yours and is not.
Yet you love and care for them.
Or better, do we need really need to tie down, two humans, to raise a child?

Photo by Pixabay on

If Intimacy is your answer;
Why can’t we be intimate with people we like and love.
Why do we restrict ourselves to just a single person throughout our lives?

Photo by Burst on

If Money/Security is your answer;
Are we so much selfish that we are ready to live a life with someone who we don’t love but like their status or the safety which they offer?
Or are we being dumb here?

Photo by bin Ziegler on

If Companionship is your answer;
In this transient world of hyper-connectiveness, why can’t we develop a strong bond of pure energy that stays unbreakable, no matter what?
Why can’t we have companionship with other hoomans as well?

Photo by Mateus Souza on

If Making love is your answer;
Why can’t we make love to the many loved ones cherish?
Why does it have to be pure, animal-like, stinking of just pure flesh?
Mind you, I am not here talking about lust.
I am talking about the expression of a pure form of love through making love.
Why can’t we cuddle other than the one?
Why can’t we snuggle other than the knotted person?
Why can’t we freely express our love through our bodies?

Do we really require chains to love and to be loved?
Do we need cages to be selectively made love to?

Who started all of this anyway?
And why are all of us believing in it so blindly, so diligently?

Why is it that to even question this, we become frightful, fall into the forever abyss of self-doubt, and wondering is something wrong with ourselves?

Why don’t we have a free society where we can question anything and everything?

Coming back to the topic at hand.

Aren’t we too much harsh, to expect everything above mentioned


What happens if your partner doesn’t or let’s say, CAN’T provide you on a platter all the dishes you just ordered?
Be it his/her own will or shortcomings or no fault of her own.
What if she simply can’t provide you with that, why are we so harsh on them?
Why do we behave so evil to them?

No human is holistically developed. Every man has his own natural and acquired mistakes.

In the first place, Why do we EXPECT so MUCH from a SINGLE HUMAN BEING?
Why do we DEMAND so much from a SINGLE RELATIONSHIP?

Why can’t we have multiple loved ones?
Why can’t we have different humans for the same?

Do we really need to settle with just a single one?

The One who sees, listens, feels everything,
And then questions them.

Why Whitebeard aka Edward Newgate is G.O.A.T.!


In super duper hit anime series, One Piece, White Beard aka Edward Newgate, was the captain of the Whitebeard Pirates and was known as “The Strongest Man in the World” after Gol D. Roger’s death.

He was a member of the Four Emperors that ruled over the New World until his death during the Battle of Marineford arc.

Definitely as of now, he is irreputably my most favorite character!

He was amazingly portrayed as ‘Father’ figure quite beautifully.

It’s sad though, he’s one of the most underrated character in the series. He absolutely deserves more screen time.

Especially the epi 484 Whitebeard vs Blackbeard pirates, this entire episode was beautifully crafted!

The things which makes him respectable :-

1. His Vigor

2.  His Far-sighted vision When he puts his bets on Mugiwara, strawhat Luffy  and says to his amigos ‘From now onwards.. back up mugiwara luffy’ that he will set Ace free.

3. His beautiful benevolence

4. His Maternal Mercy

5. His Unique dreams

6. His undefeatable determination

7.  His all-conquering smile

8. His unshakeable honesty

9.  His Merciful Mentoring

a.   Particularly the scene where Captain Squard Stabs pops and pops simply hugs and forgives him

10. His unbreakable trust with others

and that’s it

 Peculiarly when Akainu  the magma brat tries brew mistrust amongst the allied forces in the War and the most astonishing part was pops doesn’t even have to explain to his comrades, he simply states, ’You all are pirates and are free to believe whatever you want to’

with that

the entire allegiance believes him and fights more passionately than ever!

11. His indomitable spirit. Even after mortally wounded by every-fking- one including Aokiji, Kizaru, Akainu he still fights the hyena like Blackbeard pirates

12.  His Impregnable honor

 Till his last breath he fights for what he believes in and never ever leaves a battle running

13.  His Parent like mentoring

He essentially sacrifices himself so that his sons can see the next bright era.

14.  His Ale Wisdom

When he states that its time to bury the old era with himself and slate a new one, he knows when to stop and otherwise.

15. His Emotional side

All ever he wanted since he was a kid was – a family.

And now I wonder what is a family?

I realise it now that I really look up to him, just I like looked up to Albus Dumbledore sir,and I recognize that all the while I was wanting to have a mentor.

A true mentor whom I can truly look upon to.

A mentor who would be there to guide me through the mysteries and mystics of life.

A mentor who would be there when I Need her/him the most.

When will my hearts wish true come, When can I say trully that

I do have a Mentor.

Yours Only, Dinesh Raja, a Passionate Otaku.


1. One piece,the anime.




Credits: Dr Asmita Singh.

(Yes, it’s a rangoli!)

‘This Diwali what personal demon you would like to conquer’
My subtle jivataman replied,   ‘Thyself.’
“Every man is his own worst enemy”
– Christina, Queen of Sweden

As Lord Ram returned from his exile,
Let us all wake up from thoughts that are senile.

As Devi said to the masses as before and as now,
Awaken O child, outgrow your old self and bow down,

The biggest Hindu festival which lasts five days,
Listen to what Valmiki, the old sage has to say,

Look inside, look within my child,
These five Tama gunas, ready to turn you wild,

Lobh Krodh Moh Kaam Ahankar,
If left unchecked can degrade you too far.

So when the Goddess Lakshmi visits your home, 
Make sure your lobh, greed is gone!

On the NarakChaturthi, when the demons lookout for your urn,
Ensure that all your krodh, anger is already burnt!

Then comes the main festive, the day, the grandest one,
Decrypt and decipher Moh, the materialistic illusion,
For what matters at the end is nothing but your loved ones,

Govardhan Pooja, the day when Lil Krishna displayed his humble might,
Strip down Ahankar, the evil ghoul, beat him down, in the good fight,

Doting sisters pray and bless brothers on Bhai dooj,
Dissolve your Kama, in the unwavering waters of sister love’s deluge

That’s all I want to say,
Keep these wicked ones at the bay,
And Smile the whole day.

– Dinesh Raja,
A lover of life.

Home Sickness Sleeping Syndrome

After sleeping straight for 14.5 hrs., on the pretext of being tired, I (literally) woke up to the realization that I was missing home. And sleeping was just an escape.

I come hostel around 6.30 pm yesterday, after slogging my ass at the Surgery ward 18, since 9 am, gave my best today since it was the last day of my rotation and I will be joining Orthopedics from the day after.
It was a splendid day, did Blood collections, wrote some discharges and Revived a (suspected Cardiac arrest ? )gasping patient.
Since it was the final day here, I conversed for a long time with my patients (I pray that Krishna* cracks UPSC! He’s suffered a lot already), my nurses and my residents.

When you stay in a hostel you devise up tonnes of the reason for sleeping long, lying like a log of driftwood on the Arabian sea. Mine was, well, ‘I wasn’t feeling like getting up.’

slept at around 7.3opm, friends came bashing at the door stating for a dinner out, bleh, I declined, and went back to my heavenly abode, 10 pm Appa rings and checks whether I am alive or not, at 6.33 am I check whether I am alive or not, then at 9.3o finally, I am done, I am done with sleeping or the excuse of avoiding life altogether.

It hit me hard, all the while, I was feeling sad.
I was feeling empty and touchy, was hugging my bear the whole night, without even realizing that.
I was feeling as if a child has been locked at home, waiting for her parents return.
I was missing home.

It was the feeling of homesick that made me sick with sleep all night.

If you ask hostel people what are their dreams, what they want to do after graduation, contrary to what localite say, that being, Becoming the best Surgeon, Opening up an interior design company, starting up at startup, most humble hostelites, reply, they want a
good, happy, home.

When I used to be a localite I used to not give a second glance to it, but now, when I have become a full time hostelite, I realize the deep emotions, feelings, and hope attached to the latter responses and the word – Home.

“Only hate the road when you’re missing home”- Passenger

Like the way the English band Passenger has beautifully described in their song, “Let her go”, how, the absence of something makes you value the presence of it, only a hostelite knows the true value of the home.
Well, we, most of the localite, just take it for granted.

When you realise your home, is 1,655.7 km far, near the Cape Comorin, aka Kanyakumari, you literally start making plans to do when you get back home, you seek every opportunity to escape, you sketch how you want to get ‘settled’.

Nothing beats a good home when are done with your tough workday eh, maybe that’s why they taught us when
we were kids, ‘Home Sweet Home.

So for all of you out there, who are at the home, express and shower your love when you are still around.

And for all of us, who aren’t, fear not,
Apna time ayega.

[Also do let me know the crazy planning’s you have done to get at home in the comment section below.]
* – Names changed. Or are they?

Till next time,
Pyar Karo dil se, Jeeyo dil se.

Yours only,
Dinesh Raja.
A lover of life.
20th October 2021.

What If I lose my Father?

As I am waiting for my train after talking to a dear friend, who’s father just expired, I am clouded by this thought of … What will happen when I lose my Appa?

Who’s going to guide me? Who’s going to scold me? Who’s going to walk me? Who’s going to admonish me? Who’s going to fly me? Who’s going to love me?

But sooner or later, it is the reality we have to face.

Our parents, our Amma, Our Appa are going to die. They are going to go far far away. They are going to become, as they say, the stars, the Northern star more like.

One day, when we return home, they are not going to open the door. Open their hearts wide open for us.

Home coming

There will be someone else to do that of course, but if you listen closely you will hear the absence of their presence, and presence of their subtle silence.

If you have got someone anyone today, who metaphorically opens the door, tell them you care for them. Hug them and tell them you love them.

Give your parents a big tight hug and let them know how much you love them, no matter what.

Let us pledge to make our parents to feel more special. More liked. More respected. More loved.

Yours Only, Dinesh Raja.

Go,hug her tight.

I just lost a family member today.

It feels as if I want to speak out but not a single word comes, mouth parched dry.
It feels as if this night has become more melancholic, as if the night is hugging you tightly with immense sadness.
It feels as if no song can give the solace you need, you keep on shuffling the whole playlist.
It feels as if tears are waiting to gush out yet somehow, it’s just standing, waiting desperately to come out.

Yes, it’s Covid.
Yes, on ventilator. Yes, she’s not breathing. Now.
As I was speaking to my family on video conference,
When my Amma asked whether I had eaten food, it felt as if my heart pumped warmed blood to my cold, numb body.

When my Appa asked to sleep tight, my mind was wondering how is he able to hold himself up and his family so calmly.

When my Akka said out aloud,’I want to cry out aloud,I need you’, my soul wanted to hug her so tight.

That’s when I realised,
How lucky I was.
How alive we all were.

So, my friend, what are you waiting for,
Go, love your loved ones as if the only day you live,
is today.